My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
