I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
