I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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