eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
