He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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