Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
