First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
