I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
