Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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