Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
