he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize