I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
