At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
its liver damage thursday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
