Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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