This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize