exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Drunk is not a location!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
