4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
