i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
