go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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