i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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