I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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