we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
