i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
