You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
