So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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