I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
