You're my little dorito
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
