I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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