She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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