If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize