God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
