hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
