so that wasnt chicken after all
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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