and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
50% drunk capacity currently
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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