i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
