I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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