It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
