Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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