She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she peed on how many people?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
