he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
