Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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