it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
