I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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