i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
