i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
