i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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