I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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