Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
