I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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