I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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