Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
