If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
