i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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