I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
