Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
