i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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