if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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