How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
