I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
