flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
