Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
