Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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