Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
