I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
