Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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