it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
