can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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