How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize