I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
