i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
