did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
