ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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