In the future we'll all be gay
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
