Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
