check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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