he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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