1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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