You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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