well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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