Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
