i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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