tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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