I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
