That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
