Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
