She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
