Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
