No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
