Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
