My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
