when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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