Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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